I know them really well. that does not sound like them.

During my informal sexual harassment report in 2011, my supervisor told me I was going “too far” when I expressed fear that my perpetrator would look down the shirts of his female students, much like he had mine when I was seated. My principal’s attitude was one of “He’s such a good teacher. He would never do that.” His denial of my own character assessment completely trivialized the entire report I had just given him, ignoring my claim he had looked down my shirt and said he got an erection. My supervisor’s denial and doubt minimized my testimony. Wasn’t my report enough to suggest my perpetrator was capable of something like that? Shouldn’t my story at least be considered as a possibility? He simply did not believe me. He didn’t even ask if I had concrete evidence (i.e. witnesses, email documentation, or videos). 

“I don’t believe you” interactions like this traumatize and intimidate survivors. In one swoop, they learn their supervisor does not believe them. Their character. Their years of working with integrity. They wonder why administration doubts their testimony. They wonder, “When have I ever lied to you? Why would I make this up? Why don’t you believe me?”  Processing these questions drains the survivor emotionally and psychologically so they have less mental energy to determine how to respond to the harassment and retaliation. They also feel like they have something to prove. In my own narrative, I felt like I had to prove to my supervisor and colleague that I was a team player who was not selfish, applause seeking, overly sensitive, or socially inept.  If I had these traits, then they would believe me.

Encountering doubt also forces survivors to weigh the pros and cons of moving forward with a legal complaint. They may think “Am I willing to continue this process so I and my family have to endure a trial that demonizes me while exonerating my company? Do I want to endure revisiting my harassment and risk my professional reputation only to be dismissed afterwards? Will I find work after this or will my reputation be questioned?” One’s finances, career outlook, and family circumstances are considered. Again, the survivor hears a disempowering message that hinders many from sharing their story, fighting for justice, or helping other victims. 

Supervisors need to be trained how to conduct appropriate internal sexual harassment investigations in order to protect the victim from feeling dismissed, discredited, and disempowered. I am not aware of any training my district required of its supervisors. In addition, supervisors should communicate that the company’s conclusions are not about belief but rather about having enough evidence to determine what took place when two different versions are reported.  Sending this message with sensitivity and tact will help the victim feel respected despite an unsubstantiated report. Reports that lack sufficient evidence should be ruled as “unsubstantial” versus “not sexual harassment.” 

Administrators should also remain objective, not speculative, when survivors discuss their story. The tone of any sexual harassment interview also needs to be serious, open, and considerate, not one of disbelief, shock, or dismissiveness. My principal, for example, should simply have told me he would note my concern about student safety in his report (even though he agreed not to file one). Only he knows why he stated his “I don’t believe you” victim blaming statement. He may have wanted to be lazy and avoid investigating my concern (i.e. he did not want to have an uncomfortable conversation with my perpetrator); he may have not believed me (i.e. he thought I was overreacting); he may have been inept at interviewing victims (i.e. not trained to remain objective); he may have been trying to gas light me in order to protect the company from liability for a previous situation they mishandled (i.e. make me think he did not believe me in order to psychologically intimidate me so I went off record); no one knows but him and any supervisors he reported to. Whatever his motivation, his statement perpetuated rather than calmed my fear about going on record. I walked into his office afraid and remained in his office afraid. It is for this reason that I decided to go off record with my sexual harassment report.